我的日子應該再不能夠比現在充實了, 讀書, 工作, 為了參加馬拉松而練跑, 日子一天天的過, 我的老闆就是一天比一天討厭我。大老闆討厭我, 不是第一天發生的事情, 我忍, 再忍, 再再忍…終於鬱悶了幾年的情緒, 一次過爆發出來, 已經很久沒有為工作的事情哭過。可是, 那天又一次被屈, 而且更是完全不關我事的都鬧在我頭上, 更要以書面說明原委, 這樣的事…可以一笑置之嗎？
升職的事, 我已經沒有再想, 然而上司仍在提醒我別行差踏錯, 因為只要有一點點做得不夠完美, 也影響深遠。我默不作聲, 他又說︰「老闆還是覺得妳ATTITUDE有問題, 但我撐妳。」我仍默不作聲。ATTITUDE問題？那已經是幾次前的事, 我只是想說有別的組別的人比我高級, 卻扮作白癡把一切推在我身上, 這死貓我哽不下, 就是我有問題嗎？好好小姐但A字膊的人, 一句說自己不懂就不用做, 那是什麼道理？尋找法律意見的事, 誰也不會懂的, 我卻成了個ATTITUDE有問題的人？
要是老闆是看扁妳, 妳可以怎樣？可是, 上司卻很欣賞我, 給我機會, 給我指導… 一位前輩跟我說︰「妳是個能幹的小長金, 別把青春都浪費在這裡, 從前她是對妳有偏見, 現在卻是明針對妳, 這樣子不會有運行的了。」我知道可是我現在讀書, 要轉工也不是一個好的決定, 而且我能夠做什麼呢？前輩說︰「就算是公司資助妳讀書, 要是妳離開, 在別的公司賺的錢也可以回本。」
原本, 我希望給自己兩年時間… 現在, 是時候了嗎？
***********************************************
那天, 有人說︰「妳最近的感情生活如何？又遇人不淑嗎？」遇人不淑, 倒是說得太誇張, 只是我看清楚我之前看錯的人和事。我曾以為終於也遇上了一個好男人, 結果…卻只有膠著又無法結束的無奈。一段不被 神所祝福的感情, 最終也只會變成失敗。我看到了我們將會失敗的將來, 而你卻只看到現在這一刻。男人愛妳的時候, 都是三好…「做好事、說好話、存好心」, 但是七分情話六分假, 能夠堅持的卻只有一分, 也許…路就是這樣, 一個人走到教會, 一個走到天國。
幸好的是, 感情已經不再是生活的全部, 那只是一個bonus而已。即使沒有, 生活仍是繼續, 讀書和工作, 義工和教會…
各位, 不用問我為何那樣灰, 因為這條路對於不懂得愛情的我是最幸福的。
2 comments:
Cha,
I wish you are right even though I don't fully agree what you said. Who can see the future? That's only the picture we imagine at present. Tomorrow we can imagine differently. So saying that we decide to give up because we can see failure in future is something that i can' accept. One can see it may fail, there must be a chance of success. You see what i mean? Something like a half empty glass or a half full glass argument.
Anyway, I wish you well.
Des,
Sorry for delaying the articles clipping things...i m simply too busy to do it. But, I do wanna do it, and do it for you.
I cant say that you are wrong, after so many years of failure in all my relationships, I can only say I dare not hope for the best...and I can only prepare for the worst.
Once we may see the half empty glass story, however...it is not half empty, it is empty indeed.
I can only say that...all men i met have sth in common, for those who wants to be with me, no one wants to marry me...but for those who wants to marry me, he has not got the ability to do it. Just to say sorry to me.
That's my story, at least up to now...nearly my 30th birthday. Sarcastic, isn't it? people wonder if I m kidding that I dun have a bf...indeed I am in love with someone, but so what? I am still single and alone.
Anyway, that's the reality. I dun wanna be too optimistic, I just wanna be down to earth.
Post a Comment